That’s why I turned my phone off, why I’ve gotten off the couch only to use the bathroom or to bring in the food I order from the delivery guy. That’s why I’ve been holed up in my apartment the last seven days.
Has a nice ring to it, if you say it enough.Īt least I’m pretty sure that’s what I have. Do you think they do that on purpose? To make it a nice way to say you feel like something that dropped out of your dog’s ass? Have you ever noticed some of the worst sicknesses in history have a lyrical sound to them? Words like malaria, diarrhea, cholera. So, like I said-what you’re seeing right now isn’t the real me. The decor is modern-lots of black and stainless steel-and anyone who enters knows a man lives there. And it has every modern convenience, every big-boy toy you can think of: surround sound, satellite speakers, and a big-screen plasma that would make any man fall on his knees and beg for more. The one I usually live in is spotless I have a girl come by twice a week. The tables and floor are littered with beer bottles, pizza boxes, and empty ice cream tubs. The shades are drawn, and the furniture glows with a bluish hue from the television.
My apartment? Yeah, the one I’m in right now. I wear shoes that cost more than your rent. In real life, I’m well-groomed, my chin is clean-shaven, and my black hair is slicked back at the sides in a way I’ve been told makes me look dangerous but professional. DO YOU SEE THAT UNSHOWERED, unshaven heap on the couch? The guy in the dirty gray T-shirt and ripped sweatpants?
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